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As much as I want to stop, I couldn’t hold it back. Each and every day I know it’s getting harder. You’re a few steps away from me, and I realised as I walk closer to you, you’re quickly approaching her. Why is it always have to be like this? 


How’s your everyday life up there? Are you watching me down here?The things I do and What I had failed to do? Do you see me cry every night? Do you see how I struggle just because i missed you so much, every minute, every day and every week. I mean always. Sometimes I just want to sleep and wish to see you in my dreams, smiling. But you only once appeared. That was the day before my graduation pictorial. I know you’re happy because I saw you smiled at me and looked up thanking God that finally, you’ll see me wearing my sablay. But apparently, I will no longer see your beautiful smile, i will no longer feel your hugs and kisses. You will never be with me in pictures. I wouldn’t hear your voice anymore scolding me because of my laziness. You wouldn’t be with us during Christmas, New Years, Birthdays, special occasions, Sunday masses, conferences and those things we used to do together. I will no longer feel your warm hug during cold nights and even siesta in the afternoon. I don’t have anymore that super close best friend, whom i can tell my secrets, problems and “kilig” moments freely. Mama, i missed you! :( Do you missed me too? Why did you leave so soon? Why didn’t you tell me you had a problem? Why did you keep a secret? And I ask Our God, Why He didn’t answer my prayers when you were in your death bed? WHY!? I hated everything around me, I had a hard time to move on because I DON’T WANT TOO. I got depressed, I don’t want to talk to other people what I’m going trough.. I’m so sad that every night when I think of you my eyes couldn’t stop the tears. My heart couldn’t control the anger that I just want to punch everyone and throw any thing to them. I got angry to Him and stopped attending Sunday masses. I don’t really know what pushes me to go through with this and finish everything. Please, mama, guide me and visit me in my dreams. Please. Hug me when I’m down. Be with me always. 

Anyone who is in love is making love the whole time, even when they’re not. When two bodies meet, it is just the cup overflowing. They can stay together for hours, even days. They begin the dance one day and finish it the next, or–such is the pleasure they experience–they may never finish it. No eleven minutes for them.

Eleven Minutes by Paolo Coelho (via sopulchritudinousme)

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